| Note to Self : |
[Nov. 14th, 2009|01:54 am] |
you're a joke.
what the fuck are you doing ?
get it together before you hit rock bottom completely.
just straighten up and dont fuck up anymore.
or you're gonna die.
fix it now.
or you'll regret it. |
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| im perfectly fine |
[Jan. 14th, 2009|08:32 am] |
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm fine, at least that is what i will keep telling myself until it is true. |
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| missing. |
[Nov. 28th, 2008|03:49 pm] |
you've gone M.I.A. again and you wont text back.
the last few times you have done this was when you broke my heart.
where are you bobby turner.
call me i miss you.
today my mom said i've changed and she feels like im not her son anymore.
i'd like to think of it as growing up and being who i want to be.
"i read somewhere that ancient egyptians had fifty words for sand and the eskimos had a hundred words for snow. i wish i had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way you move against me while you sleep,and there are no words for that."
i want it to be dec 28th. |
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| If only.... |
[Nov. 23rd, 2008|11:53 pm] |
I weren't so reckless. if only, if only.... well fuck "if only.."
I have to admit I can be an emotional reck, but when it comes down to the big emotions such as love, anger, sadness, happiness, hate. I would like to think we all become a bit messy. Is it so wrong for me to want equal effort or some type of commitment, or a way of knowing that its me, that appeals to you out of everyone around you? For you to try and deal with something that you may be afraid of or possibly not feeling. Talk about how I make you feel, if I scare you, or annoy you, or even make you love me. Anything. All I get are self censored responses and you running from me, by avoiding me. Why is so hard for you to invest yourself into a non physical relationship. I may not be there to hold even if I want to, but you have my heart. You've had it since day one. And you go about making sure you're needs are met because you are one to live in the moment. Once you talked about a son or living together or moving. What are you so afraid of leaving behind.
what's left for you where you are. Step Up. please before I lose myself, in this constant struggle to make you realize I'm here and now wanting you and saying I love you. |
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| and as if everything has fallen into place |
[Oct. 15th, 2008|06:07 pm] |
perfectly the pieces of my life start to come together.
found the perfect group of friends, no strike that i mean family.
everything that i have dreamed is coming true and i cant help but feel so happy.
yet part of my heart still holds me back from doing the thing that
really makes me happy.
why is it so hard to take chances to say what i really want to say to you.
i cant deal with who you are as of now.
give my who you were a year ago.
i would stop loving you forever just
for a day with you from back then
the day the angels stop singing i will know that
you are not the one for me. |
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| the point in the game where there is no going back... |
[Sep. 27th, 2008|11:56 am] |
transition complete.
life as i knew it is gone.
i have changed, morphed, groomed myself into this
adult persona that i could stand with for now.
it doesnt feel real to me yet.
i have been on my own for like a month now,
and everytime i drive around i feel like
"oh its time to go home now" but then it hits me
this is my home. for the next three years.
the 19th year has begun and i really dont know what to expect from this.
and 1 month from tomorrow will be one year.
one LONG year of knowing you.
its soo hard to not feel what i am feeling now.
my heart is ripping from its very place in my soul
fighting every fiber of my being from not telling you
i love you and i want to love you forever.
i never expect much anymore.
but i want you and i need you.
i need you here with me.
now when my heart is about to explode
without you.
please dont ever let me go.
never. |
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| College Life. |
[Sep. 5th, 2008|01:53 pm] |
So i've been living away from home for about 4 days now,
and it is nothing like i expected it to be. Being thrown into a rundown
apartment with two olders guys is not how i imagined my transition to be.
but they are really chill and the people are pretty nice overall.
i can get used to this.
its hard not having any friends here and i thought it would be a lot easier to open up
to people, like i usually do, but no i find myself standing against the wall like a loser.
it guess it will just take sometime to get used.
i cant wait for class on monday.
how exciting.
i guess i dont really have anymore to say.
so im done with this entry.
fin. |
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| tiled floor. |
[Aug. 28th, 2008|12:09 am] |
i cant seem to understand how you can still
do this to me.
how you can easily ignore the feelings you have for me
just for the sake that you can be a saving grace for someone else.
cant you be mine ?
for a change.
im the one in need of saving.
this is a game i dont know the rules to,
and i dont have the energy to keep playing.
my hearts to weak to wait.
sorry i had to be the messy one. |
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| song |
[Jun. 23rd, 2008|03:56 pm] |
pocketful of marbles
and a handful of grass.
plastic gun at the hip.
and a helmet made of glass.
now you're ready for the war, boy.
now you;re ready for the war. |
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